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A simple guide to work survival (using martial arts)

Fans of ‘Wuxia’ novels or dramas would find most of the martial arts name familiar. This guide was written mainly out of sarcasm and to portray the reality of how some people survive in work places.

Introduction:

Why survive? It is just work, what is the big deal?


Well, I know you love work. We all do and that is why you need to survive. Who would hate a job you have interest in while not taking any responsibilities? I know I would not and I am sure the colleague next to you thinks so too.

While businessmen look into the depths of “Romance of three kingdoms” for strategic advice, I explore the world of fictional and real martial arts from various places. With every rule comes with a move that was used by various heroes and explanation of how it works.

Who should use this guide?


Those who recently started working to read it.


How to use this guide?

‘Rules’ – always follow them. After every rule is a technique you should apply in your work. Remember this, how effective it is depends on how good you are in executing them.

Rule No.1:

Anything that is not your business, is not your business.

Name: Bai Yun Zhang (White Cloud Palm)
Description: Diverts all forces directed at you elsewhere. Preferably having someone to absorb the damage.
Effect: Forms a white mist as you strike, thus creating a smoke screen.
Origins: Master of White Cloud Manor

Example:

Boss: "Ah Tan ar! I got some task for you …"
Tan: "Sorry ar Boss, my wife at the hospital I need to go. Ah Lim! Boss wants to see you!"
Lim: "Yes Boss?"

Self-Explanation: You do not have to do everything by yourself. If you carry everything on your shoulders, you are going to breakdown someday. Leave it to someone more suited, you have something else to do.

Rule No.2

Always solve complex issues by breaking them up into simpler problems. They will be easier to handle with better efficiency. Or as the elders say, ‘take things step by step’.

Name: Qian Kun Da Mo Yi (The Ultimate Shift) a.k.a Off Topic
Description: Big issues resolve to smaller issues. Small issues resolve to nothing; preferably not your issue at all.
Effect: An ultimate rift in the world’s elements to change the way things are.
Origins: Unknown

Example:

Boss: "Ah Tan, remember that time I gave you a task …?"
Tan: "No lah Boss, remember my wife at hospital mah."
Boss: "Oh yeah hor, how is she ar? Getting better?"
Tan: "Yeah, doctor say must rest more."
Boss: "Okay, okay, don’t worry so much, talk to you later."

Self-Explanation: Why stress yourself over a difficult task? If you need more time, just get it. Remember, you have all the time in the world. Relax, do not trouble yourself. There is always a way to extend deadlines.

Rule No.3

No matter how big or small a project is, always get more people to assist you. Do not attempt to be a one-man-army because that will never work in this day and age.

Name: Xiang Long Shi Ba Zhang (Holy Dragon’s 18 Palms)
Description: Split own damage to other people. Many people sharing one person’s burden is easier than one person handling it all.
Effect: Multiple hits on multiple targets. Can be used to transfer damage.
Origins: Hong Qi Gong of beggar sect.

Example:

Boss: "Ah Tan, I got a very simple job for you."
Tan: "Okay, hold on ar, Ah Lim, Ah Yong, Ah Ho, I got a very simple task for you all."

Self-Explanation: More people handling a person’s task = more efficiency. Most importantly, you got nothing to do!

Rule No.4

Never, never rush a big project. Remember what is rushed is not good. Take all the time you have in the world to produce the best results.

Name: Tai chi chuan (太極拳) Tai Chi (non fictional art)
Description: Slow and steady.
Effect: Steady movements ensure user will be the last man standing.
Origins: Zhang Sanfeng

Example:

Boss: "Ah Tan, I gave you one year to do the task already. Are you done yet?"
Tan: "Not yet. You cannot rush me. Later I make some big mistake then we all die. Slow and steady. Boss."
Boss: "Alright. Alright. Do it slow and steady."

Self-Explanation: The more time you take, the more time you have to polish your work. Remember, Quality > Quantity. I am sure your Boss thinks so too. 10 lousy projects can never win 1 good project.

Rule No.5

When things take a wrong turn, you do not have to carry all the responsibilities. You must realise it is not your fault that everything is going wrong. Do not take it too hard on yourself.

Name: Wu Du Zhang (Palm of Divine Serpent)
Description: Poison people to save yourself
Effect: Shares damage with your target
Origins: Li Mochou

Example:

Boss: "Ah Tan, what the hell is this? You trying to get us into trouble?"
Tan: "Not me do one. It is Ah Lim who did it for me. Aiyo , now we in deep trouble."
Boss: "Call that Ah Lim in NOW. ARGH!"

Self-Explanation: I am not the only one involved in this. Why should I take all the blame?

Rule No.6

Get involved. Always dig your nose in something good. If it smells bad, bail. If it is good, stay and rip the rewards.

Name: Xi Xin Da Fah (Big Absorbtion)
Description: Suck away other people’s power
Effect: Absorbs target’s energy
Origins: Unknown

Example:

Boss: "Ah ha ha ha! Well done Ah Lim! The Big Boss really like your work and our customer is very happy! Thanks to you we hooked a big business!"
Tan: "Ah, don’t forget who was in Ah Lim’s team wor."
Boss: "Oh ya hor, you were also helping out in Ah Lim’s team. Good job Ah Tan! All of you will get a big bonus from me this year!"

Self-Explanation: When we work, of course we want all the good things and not the bad things. If we can share the rewards, why not? However, people do not come sharing their payoffs, you have to share their rewards with your own initiative.

Credits to: Silverbutterfly (SGCafe)

 

Creative Commons License
A simple guide to work survival (using martial arts) by Zich is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at Contact Unker Stories.

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